Reminiscence...

Lyrics taken from music:
Mae - Awakening
Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me
Vienna Teng - Gravity
Brand New - The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

I glanced at the clock while editing my new blog layout.
It's pretty late--I mean, early...in the morning.

Then comes another one of my "deep thoughts" session...
Now that I think about it, I've been pretty busy since the semester started.

As much as I disliked it, I haven't been resting well.
At school I would feel fine and quite normal,
but once I get to the bus, I find myself dozing off...

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When I close my eyes to this paradox place,
I'll fly away far away from here,
I’ll get away and dream,
dream of you,
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It has already been some time since it happened...
I was so carried away with my life that I nearly forgotten---
No, forgotten is not the word...
How could I ever forget?

Just two years and one month ago...
Reality struck me...
I lost...
...her...

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What would you think of me now
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
Never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
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On that Friday morning...
I was supposed to go to school,
but instead my family and I went to KK...
...the old house in KK...

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This is the same place,
No, not the same place,
This is the same place,
No, not the same place we've been before...
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The very house where I shared so many of my memories with her...
Where we, along with our wonderful family would celebrate every year,
Receive simple, yet meaningful red packets,
It wasn't the money I gained from them,
It was the spirit and the message of love.

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So don't turn away now
I am turning in revolution
These are the scars that silence carved
On me...
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I knew life wasn't easy back then...
A poor family in a war zone,
Where technology was only in the form of weapons,
When massacre was a common thing,

She was frail,
Not that she wanted to be,
But that was the way she was born,
Prone to sicknesses,
Weak, yet so innocent...

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Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget
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As a child, being oblivious of many things...
I used to ask and say things to her...
Many things that not even I remember now,
But it is likely that some of my words,
May have hurt her...?

Though I meant well...

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May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
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And now...she's gone...
I did not cry two years ago...
The tears wouldn't come.

Now, two years later...
They came.
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I am a constant satellite,
Of your blazing sun,
I obey your law of gravity
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When I saw you that time,
Though I did not cry,
My heart sank.

A peaceful and tranquil expression,
One that I would never be able to make,
An expression that showed wisdom,
One that saw life...
...and lived it to the fullest.

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You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are so fragile and thin
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
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I wipe off the tears that trickled down,
I think of the many wonders you have given me,
Not just the red packets,
Not just the feeling of family togetherness,
Not just shaping myself to the way I am today,

But having you as a part of me...
You are, and will always be...

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And I'll fly,
Fly across the sky,
And I’ll leave,
Leave it all behind,
If you’d be here,
Here with me tonight,
I’ll be fine,
I’ll be fine,

...I’ll be fine...
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Thank you for everything,
...my dearest and beloved grandmother.