Release

Lyrics taken from "No More Words" by Hamasaki Ayumi (translations)

Firstly, thanks to Audrey, Jaja, K and Heng for your support, really appreciate it :)

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Surely, surely as we
live we know more.
And, and as we live
we forget.

........................................................................

I've always wondered,
How many of us actually look at life differently?
I mean, every person has their own perspective,
Yet most of them are...
...negative

........................................................................

Things that begin
always have an end.
If you can live on,
think always of that.

........................................................................

No matter how religious they are,
No matter how many loved ones they have,
There is always some dark abyss somewhere,
In their confused souls,
Am I one of them?

...I don't know...

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If this world were split into
winners and losers,
I'd rather be a loser.
I always want to be a loser.

........................................................................

Today's world is so much different...
Little things affect many,
I wonder...
Are people "programmed" that way?
...But I doubt it...
It's most likely caused by the influence,
Of their own darkness.

........................................................................

Surely, surely we are
more beautiful when we're sad.
That's why, that's why we are
dirtier when we're sad.

........................................................................

Why do people smile when they are actually sad?
Even I do that too...
But why? Is it some kind of reflex?
Why can't we be honest with our feelings?
Is it a barrier to protect ourselves...?
A barrier set by darkness or light?

........................................................................

To protect us and ours,
we must sacrifice something yet again.
Those who can live on
think always of that.

........................................................................

Sacrifice...
Something many shiver at the sound of it...
Something which requires courage, faith...
...love...

........................................................................

What can I tell you?
I'm just a small, helpless person.
That's all I'll say for now
because sometimes words
are completely powerless.

........................................................................

Maybe I muse around too much?
I do agree that
words are not always powerful...

But thoughts...
...they do wonders...

School life is still tough, but I'm hanging on...
I might not be as happy right now, but I'm being honest...
I'm hanging on to my little piece of faith,
Thoughts that do wonders...
Thoughts that help me hang on.

The Verdict...

Current condition: Tired
Current mood: Tired

Maybe I'm thinking too much...
Maybe I'm too desperate...
Maybe I'm too...too...narrow-minded?

Or maybe I just need lots of sleep...

I don't know, but this past week has been, well, hell for me.
With all the homework to do...
I myself can't believe how big of a pile of homework can a few days cause...

I've been rushing, rushing, rushing... trying my best not to copy other's homework and finish it myself (which I kinda succeeded in)

Anyways, the elections are finally over...
93, no, 92 on second count votes...how amusing...

Yep, while others' had their votes over 100, mine was the lowest.
I'm fine, but at the same time not fine.
I'm fine with the fact that I got lowest,
but I'm not fine thinking about what position I might get...

"Cynthia, I voted for you!" said one of my classmates.
"Oh...thanks..." was all I could reply.
I mean, it IS kinda saddening to tell your folks who have voted for you that you lost...

And what I'm REALLY not fine with is the pile of work left with me...
I know my friends are always there for me, but I don't really tell them how I'm feeling...
I may be smiling and laughing at school, but I'm really going crazy right now.

I don't wanna say it, but I get the feeling the reason I don't tell others is because...

...they don't listen.

Perhaps that's the case, perhaps it's not.
Say whatever you want, but I really feel distant from my friends, even though they ARE my friends.
I feel like a bystander, or even a stranger sometimes,
My words seem to die off before they even reach their ears,
My presence seems like thin air around them...

Am I thinking too much?
Am I too pessimistic?
Or is school turning me into a psycho?!

I'm here! I'm here!!!!!!!!!

Decisions...Decisions...

Current music: Hamasaki Ayumi - I Am...(In the Club Mix)
Current condition: Still a bit sore throat but fine I guess...
Current mood: !!!

Waaah...so many things happening in a day...

I AM surprised that I'm still conscious here... considering that I've barely slept much the past few nights...
Maybe it's the stress that keeps me awake...?

ANYWAY, I've had a serious headache in school today, during co-cum...
I'm better now, but my head is screaming "GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!"

Sorry, mate. Can't do that...not yet...
Not until I get everything...done...

Sorry, book Thirteen, I guess you'll have to wait till I'm free...
Thinking back, I could've taken a different path, depending on my decision...

But then again, why should I turn back?
I've decided this. This is the path I have taken.
Turning back will only worsen things...

Decisions, decisions...

*deep breath*
..........................................
*exhale*


...okay...

...Later.

Sickly...

Current music: DJ Sharpnel - On the Beach
Current condition: Sick! (Sore throat, slight fever, slight flu)
Current mood: I'd say fine enough, considering me being sick and all...

*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*
Yep, I am sick. AGAIN.
How many times can a person get sick in a year?! =.=

In school:

Cyn: *coughs nonstop*
Tung: ........
Cyn: Aiyor...die lo die lo...
Tung: Nah, see? Every time after you cough must got some comments.
Cyn: Yeah meh?
Tung: Yeah, I noticed...
Cyn: Oklo...I keep quiet lor...
Tung: *continues to do his work*
(Suddenly, he notices my hand jerking slightly repeatedly)
Tung: What's wrong? Like a fish!
Cyn: Nyawa-nyawa ikan o...

In tuition:
Sharon: *stares at me* Cynthia...what happened to your voice...?
Cyn: S..so- (can't get the words out because it hurt that time)
Crystal: Cynthia, don't talk! *turns to Sharon* she sore throat. *turns back to me* You've talked a lot today.
Cyn: Where got- (before I finish, she cuts me off xD)
Crystal: OKAY, stop speaking...!
Cyn: Ok...*keeps quiet*

Still in tuition, but later...:
Cyn: *PLOP* (lies on the table and unknowingly fell asleep*
(Then I heard some chatting and talking...eventually I got up, only to be met with stares from Crystal and Janice)
Crystal: Fell asleep?
Cyn: I can hear voices, but yeah I guess...
Janice: I also very tired, the last time I had sore throat.


And I've been like this for nearly a week now =.= Sigh...

Things to do now:
1. ICT work + correction (due date next thursday)
2. Moral folio (due date 8th August - OLYMPICS!)
3. GoB video (due date somewhere around August)
4. FINISH DRAWING MY 12TH BOOK! (due date 18 July)

I put it on 18 July because I started it on 18th June...
I hope I can finish it in time...14 pages in one week...

And next will be---BOOK THIRTEEN!
(Hopefully I won't be unlucky...)

I guess that's it for now...in my next post I might continue my song lyrics-post thingy... I dunno... Lyrics or normal post like this? Suggestions, anyone?

Later~! *COUGH*

A Tribute...

Lyrics taken from "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan and "Everything's Not Lost" by Coldplay

I have noticed...
In fact, it is already quite obvious,
That you have been suffering...
And you just cannot take it anymore,

But I grab hold of your arm,
Pulling you back,
I plead to you,
To keep hanging on

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Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

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No matter how much it hurts,
You must hang on,
Running away will not do you any good,
The world is twisted,
It has always been,
But here I am, pulling you back from your last moments,
Begging you to stay

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In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

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Don't run away, friend!
Think about your loved ones,
Think about...yourself...
Don't go...

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So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

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I have said, and even sang this many times,
But I will again,
Everything's Not Lost!

"So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

So come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything's not lost"

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In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

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Come back, my friend,
Put down that unsightly thing,
Step away from the edge,
Turn that frown upside down,

Come back, dear friend,
I shall not see you name and face across the page,
I shall not stand under a rainy day wearing black,
I shall not look back at old pictures

...Because we still have many new pictures to take...

...Many sweet memories to share...

...A sweet life to live...
...Although it hurts now...

...Don't run away...

This is a tribute for those who feel that life is too much to handle,
Because I've known some...
Please, do not give up,
Believe in yourself, believe in God.

Fear

Lyrics from song: 'Fear' by Sarah McLachlan

I blink my eyes and cough for a moment,
Great, sore throat again...
I finish up my homework,
Homework that had been piled up for weeks,
But I've only finished half of it...

I kept quiet...
The whole place is quiet...
The rest have retired to bed,
I am here, awake...
...lonely?

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Morning smiles
Like the face of a newborn child
Innocent unknowing
Winter’s end
Promises of a long lost friend
Speaks to me of comfort

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These few days have somehow shaken me...
In a way, that is...
I feel an unusual feeling...
Something between agony and...
...fear...

Fear? What for?
I do not know either,
But the feeling is just...there...
Fear for many things...

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But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
Here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There’s nothing I’d like
Better than to fall
But I fear I have nothing to give

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Many things torture my thoughts these days,
To put me through something like that,
Who's idea of a joke is this...?!
Even the word phobia scares me...

One glance at the six-lettered word,
And my eyes widen in horror,

One thought of what may happen.
And my pulse accelerates,

One sound of nothingness, of silence...
And I let out an inaudible scream,
Desperate to break the silence,
Desperate for a reply,

...all in vain...

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Wind in time
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine
Nothing yields to shelter it
From above
They say temptation will destroy our love
The never ending hunger

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A rustling sound...
I turn around...
Trying to pull me down...
Drag me into the depths...
Of darkness...

Darkness created by my own thoughts,
Imagination long locked up,
In a rusty cell,
Suddenly released...
Wreaking havoc on the victim...

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But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
Here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There’s nothing I’d like
Better than to fall
But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
I have nothing to give
We have so much to lose...

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I cannot believe it...
A mirthless chuckle came out,
Fear...such an abstract thing,
Yet it dominates the minds of people,
Causing them to become abnormal creatures,

Is it not similar to anger in a way?
The difference is that anger brings destruction,
But fear brings the unexpected...

If I were to say fear is an illusion,
Will people laugh at me?
Am I the one with the bold put-up,
Or are they the ones taking the safe sides,
Not daring to face the dark?

I think for a moment...
I am entitled to my own opinion,
To believe what I want,
I ask myself,

What are you afraid of?

My imagination,
Released from its cell,
Running wild,
Answers:

Afraid of fear itself.

Everything's Not Lost...!

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When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

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I fell silent.
Immediately my expression turned blank at the thought.
That's right...what was I expecting?

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So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

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I tried to get their attention,
Not that I'm trying to exaggerate something,
But I just felt...
...ignored...

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When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down

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But that wasn't the case at school,
It somehow seemed different.
I changed...?
Did I change?
Or did everything change...
...except me?

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'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

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I still don't get it,
No matter how much I lament,
Demons? What does that mean?
My demons?
What...my wrongdoings?
I don't...get it...

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If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

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But...
It doesn't matter if I don't get it now,
I want to discover the answers myself...
This raging feeling inside...
What's happening?
In a way, I feel...
...lonely...
By myself, I sing...
While trying to figure things out,
I sing to myself...

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Singing out
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything's not lost

So come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything's not lost

Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
And everything's not lost

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I continue to sing...
I cannot stop...
The tempo rises,
The volume increases,
I know by heart,
Everything's not lost.

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Come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah

Come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything's not lost

Sing out, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything's not lost

Come on, yeah
Oh, oh yeah
Sing out, yeah
And everything's not lost

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I continue to sing until my voice goes hoarse...
...but I do not care...
I continue singing,
Again and again...
I sing and sing and sing...
Everything's not lost.

Song: "Everything's Not Lost" by Coldplay