Preparing for the worse...

Current music: Deep Fish - Sound of Pulse
Current manga: Superior
Current condition: SICK! (Literally)
Current mood: =_= *sour face*

I stare at the computer screen in horror...

Wh..whwhwhwhwhwhwh..what's going on?!?!

The start menu won't come, StepMania won't load, songs won't play, Windows Live won't sign in, Firefox won't open...!?

...what's wrong?!
Is it because my computer is too old already...?
Or is it...VIRUS?!?!?!?!?!

I restarted my computer and scanned it again and again...
NO THREATS DETECTED!

...Either my virus definitions aren't updated (which is not very likely) or... a new, unknown virus...

I switch to another account (I have 2) and yet, no problems...

I guess something is wrong with my main account...

My head throbs in pain...arghh...it's one of my migraine days...
I try to sleep, but it's not possible...knowing that my PC is faulty...
I consider the pros and cons...:

PROS:
1. Reformat?
2. New computer? xD <---in my dreams
3. Laptop <---in my dreams

CONS:
1. Reformat = lose all my files T_T
2. Leave it be, if nobody cares about the problem...
3. My dream won't come true <---that's why it's only a dream

*SIGH*...

Later...

Reminiscence...

Lyrics taken from music:
Mae - Awakening
Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me
Vienna Teng - Gravity
Brand New - The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

I glanced at the clock while editing my new blog layout.
It's pretty late--I mean, early...in the morning.

Then comes another one of my "deep thoughts" session...
Now that I think about it, I've been pretty busy since the semester started.

As much as I disliked it, I haven't been resting well.
At school I would feel fine and quite normal,
but once I get to the bus, I find myself dozing off...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I close my eyes to this paradox place,
I'll fly away far away from here,
I’ll get away and dream,
dream of you,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has already been some time since it happened...
I was so carried away with my life that I nearly forgotten---
No, forgotten is not the word...
How could I ever forget?

Just two years and one month ago...
Reality struck me...
I lost...
...her...

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What would you think of me now
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
Never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On that Friday morning...
I was supposed to go to school,
but instead my family and I went to KK...
...the old house in KK...

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This is the same place,
No, not the same place,
This is the same place,
No, not the same place we've been before...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The very house where I shared so many of my memories with her...
Where we, along with our wonderful family would celebrate every year,
Receive simple, yet meaningful red packets,
It wasn't the money I gained from them,
It was the spirit and the message of love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So don't turn away now
I am turning in revolution
These are the scars that silence carved
On me...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I knew life wasn't easy back then...
A poor family in a war zone,
Where technology was only in the form of weapons,
When massacre was a common thing,

She was frail,
Not that she wanted to be,
But that was the way she was born,
Prone to sicknesses,
Weak, yet so innocent...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a child, being oblivious of many things...
I used to ask and say things to her...
Many things that not even I remember now,
But it is likely that some of my words,
May have hurt her...?

Though I meant well...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now...she's gone...
I did not cry two years ago...
The tears wouldn't come.

Now, two years later...
They came.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a constant satellite,
Of your blazing sun,
I obey your law of gravity
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I saw you that time,
Though I did not cry,
My heart sank.

A peaceful and tranquil expression,
One that I would never be able to make,
An expression that showed wisdom,
One that saw life...
...and lived it to the fullest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are so fragile and thin
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
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I wipe off the tears that trickled down,
I think of the many wonders you have given me,
Not just the red packets,
Not just the feeling of family togetherness,
Not just shaping myself to the way I am today,

But having you as a part of me...
You are, and will always be...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And I'll fly,
Fly across the sky,
And I’ll leave,
Leave it all behind,
If you’d be here,
Here with me tonight,
I’ll be fine,
I’ll be fine,

...I’ll be fine...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for everything,
...my dearest and beloved grandmother.

Back to School - the Start of the 2nd Semester

Current condition: A nicer way to put it would be "suffering from the side-effects"
Current mood: Mixed up...

I look at the computer screen and blinked. I uploaded the articles and stuff for the school website (the ones that I have for now, that is). I managed to update everything before the internet connection went down again. Then a thought struck me.
Oh wait...I haven't updated the announcements. Sighing, I dismissed that thought, hoping that minor thing will be overlooked - at least until my connection comes back.

Looking at the big, red, rash developed on my left arm, I still have no idea how I got it.
It could be from the glaring sun in Lankayan,
or the salty sea water (although it's a beautiful shade of blue),
or maybe it's the side-effect of the sunblock I used?

Whatever it is, I'm sure as heck that I got it from Lankayan.
Well, well...a souvenir...

I then shifted my attention to the piece of paper lying on the table in front of me.
"LA2 - Quiz 7 Holiday Work (100%)" What else could it be none other than the ICT homework I I left out?
It's not that I didn't want to do it, but the stuff going on in my life gave me no other choice but to delay the work.
But I guess you can't delay work for too long. Nor procrastinate.

Stretching my fingers, I begin my homework.
I checked my report card to make sure it has been signed before bringing it back to school tomorrow.
Then a thought came to me.

Today is the last day of the first semester holidays.
In a little more than two hours, it will be the start of a new semester.

Looking back,
There isn't much to conclude,

There were ups and downs,
Certainly a bumpy ride,

But ahead more bumps await,
Probably even steeper and dangerous,

I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea of going back to school,
but at the same time I feel that it's time...

Thinking back, reminiscing,
Both trips to KK and Lankayan somehow left a kind of impact on me.
(Well, sure Lankayan taught me to conserve, but I mean something MORE than that)

Somehow, being in KK made me feel a bit melancholic.
Family being quite far, yet quite near.
Ties threatening to break, but the strength of love continues to bind them.

Being in Lankayan gave me a rather different yet similar feeling.
Thinking back on my trip in KK while riding the boat to the island,
Thinking back on my family and the awkwardly touching conversation with my parents before I left,
Desperately trying to loosen up while in Lankayan,
My friends definitely helped.
It's a bit strange, but learning about the situation of the marine life somehow reminded me of my condition. (NO, I'm not endangered or anything, but it just...rings a thought...)
Everything felt so familiar yet so foreign at the same time,
Everything was so delightful yet so depressing at the same time,

I felt like crying.

But no, I did not cry. No way am I mixing my tears with the salty sea water.

To be honest, the Reef Guardians, and my friends who travelled with me,
they all made me feel like we're all a family (and I'd certainly like to hang on to that belief)

I don't know what's ahead of me,
The past that had past,
The present that now affects me,
and the future that awaits,

Snapping out of my thoughts, I type in my blog the 76th post.
As soon as I finish this post, I shall continue with my ICT homework.

Rest well, and go to school tomorrow.
The start of a new semester.
I wonder what pleasant or painful things await?

Standing up,
I wipe away my tears,
I look at the marks,
From the many wonderful and painful events,

From the past,
That makes me who I am today,
I thank the wonderful people,
Who have brought me joy,

I pray for those who suffer,
To find their happiness,
I pray for those who hurt others,
To see the truth,
I pray for the naive ones,
To seek their answers,
I pray for the good and innocent,
To continue to spread goodwill,

I pray to myself,
That I will be strong,
To face what I will face,
To smile from day to day,

As I end this post, I smile inwardly.
"This is it!"

Have you ever thought about your life?

Would you not just pray for yourself, but for others?

If not, would you try?

*smiles*

Lankayan Island

Current music: The Lankayan Song! *LOL*
Current condition: A bit tired...muscle ache, but quite fine.
Current mood: Dreamy~

Lankayan Island...
Despite the obvious tan that I obtained,
Despite the cut on my hand from the coral reefs *swt*,
Despite the dizzy boat ride back to Sandakan, (the ride going there was fine, but coming back was rough @_@)

...I miss Lankayan...



And now, I'm back in my world of hectic business, ridiculously lots of assignments, and the like...

Ahh, but I still feel as if I'm floating in the blue sea...

Well I'm glad to say the jetty's ok, (OK!)
Froggie Fort's not far away,
Lankayan Wreck is also there,
And the jawfish lair is very rare...

EDIT: A certain someone asked me to blog about the trip ==
So oklor...

DAY 1 (05/06/08)
I went to Crystal's house at 8 a.m..
Due to transport problems, I followed her and Caleb to the Sandakan Yacht Club.
Once there, we waited for the others to come.
At around 9 am, we boarded the boat to Lankayan. We put on the life jacket.
To be honest, it was my FIRST time riding a boat *swt*

Inside the boat.

I was kinda anxious (who knows if I get seasick or something?)

The beautiful waters of Lankayan...

Anyway, the anxiety faded after some time so I'm quite fine.
When we reached there, we saw the blue blue waters xD and on the jetty - a dog?!
I was told that its name is Fufu - the only dog on the island xD

We were given a short talk and brought to our chalets. I shared a room with Crystal in Chalet 2.
Later, we had lunch and had some activities before going snorkelling at 4 p.m..

The beautiful island that is Lankayan.

Reef Guardian: Put on your life jackets.
Jedd (a.k.a. Anak Boss) : Clip here, clip here and clip here. Done!
Crystal: Is that supposed to be there?
Jedd: Actually, this is supposed to be under your @$.
Cyn: !

(It's not like we had a choice. For the sake of safety we are required to clip that thing over our ---- *like what Jedd said)

Snorkelling was fun. There were really a lot of corals and fish.
We weren't supposed to snorkel around the shallow area (because a lot of corals are there) but me, Crystal and David swam there anyway (we didn't know we weren't allowed at that time lol)

Poor David scratched his knee. Crystal hurt her toe a bit too. And I earned a little scratch on my left palm. Nothing too serious, but I do feel sorry for David when I saw his knee. :(

Anyway, we saw lots and lots of beautiful fish, corals, clams, and the like.
And a funny thing occurred xD

Cyn, Cryst, David : *floats up at the same time*
Cyn: This is fun, but the strap on the life jacket is hurting my -----------
Crystal: *laughs* yeah...it's annoying.
David: Yeah, but what's even worse, I'm a GUY!

Tung, Ms. Lat and Vicki did well too. The round float looked kinda fun to sit on xD
However, my feet cramped several times T_T
Once when I was in the middle of the shallow area with the corals O_o
Once when I climbed on top of the kayak
Once when I climbed up to the jetty T_T
Luckily, they didn't last too long. I stretched them for a few seconds and it was fine.


Sunset.

At night, we watched a video of last time's trip. Jedd had a cute kiddish voice xD and David was funny, especially during the presentation part.

The RG office.

Later that night, we discussed about our "performances". We all decided to group together and make three performances.

Crystal and I went to sleep around 12+, but with all the bing bang going upstairs, we only fell asleep at 1+.
The next day, we found out that it was due to the "mysterious balcony door opening by itself" and the "cockroach coming out from nowhere" incident that must've scared the girls upstairs xD Coz I definitely heard Catherina's screaming.

DAY 2 (06/06/08)
We woke up real early, hoping to catch the sunrise.
We did get the time right, but the sun was blocked by the clouds...:(


That's Fufu and Caleb's hand. Apparently Fufu prefers males =.= And Fufu IS a male <_<

Anyway, we had our morning exercise (which I at first thought was running around the beach or something, but ended up being a few stretching sessions) But they did prevent me from getting cramped this time.


Saw lots of starfish. This one was on the shore. The ones underwater have many colours.

After stretching, we went for snorkelling again. In the morning. O_o
This time, we were divided into groups of 2. We were tasked to observe a fish in the sea, draw it out and write our observations. I grouped with Tung.
Tung was a bit anxious at first, but he did pull through. Well done, Tung! I'm sure you enjoyed the scenery underwater.


After snorkelling, we had our bath and then went to the Reef Guardians' office to discuss our fish. We drew pictures of the fish and wrote details of them according to the fish guide books.
I couldn't find my fish in the book (though i was pretty sure that was the fish I observed) so I decided to name my fish "Cynthiafish" Scientific name: Cynthia. xD
Celes named hers Jajafish xD. Crystal accidentally added an extra stripe to her fish that only has 3 stripes originally.

After that we presented our fish, starting form the oldest.
Jason went ahead and talked about Trigger Fish.
Next was Vicki, then David.
Tung talked about Coral Beauty, and I talked about Cynthiafish xD.
Next up was Catherina with her humorous presentation about Electric Eels.

Catherina: It was looking at me with those eyes...like... "Don't mess with me" like that...
Salha: But you only saw it for two seconds!
Cyn: Haha...electrocuted by its eyes...

Then Crystal talked about hers before Jaja, Ade, and Mickey. Lastly, Caleb talked about his fish.
Meanwhile, Jedd was comfortably sleeping on the couch xD

Then, we played some games.
We were to "eat" at least 15 pieces of food in order to survive till the next season, and at least 20 to be able to reproduce (swt...so if we undereat we become infertile?)

Anyway, Vicki was amazing O_o...she got 30+ scores for nearly every season.
And I, as I seldom use chopsticks, struggle to survive (and reproduce xD)
At least I managed to live at the end of the 6th Season. lol

But really, it was a really interesting game. Very creative, I should say.
It somehow made me understand how the marine life felt... (not that I've seen them cry before, and not that I'd know if they did anyway, but you get the idea)
Certainly a good reason why conservation is important.

Later in the evening, we had a Sandcastle making competition.
And here I thought Sandcastle making was not too hard.
Wrong.
If you've seen other people do it, or in the TV, it's EASIER SEEN THAN DONE.
After that, we were to explain about our "creation".
In the end, the Marine Maestros (Cath, David, Vicki and Caleb) won. Congrats, guys!

Everyone had wonderful souvenirs. We brought back nice water tumblers and T-shirts, courtesy of Mr. Ken.

At night, we held our little "ceremony".
Crystal was the MC, so she began with a short greeting.
Tung took over and told us about our experiences in Lankayan.

Tung: It's a paradise! And the food, it's marvelous, wonderful, delicious! It's like a heaven!
(or something like that)
*LOL*

Then, we had our performances. We started off with our song... "I believe I can swim..." xD
Then, we danced the "Macarena". We pulled the RGs and staff in the dance too. The dance was quite silly but enjoyable nonetheless.
Afterwards, we had a game of "Goreng Pisang" against the Reef Guardians.
Amazingly, they beat us - THREE TIMES xD *blushes*
Well, I have to admit, they are pretty good at the game *applauds*


The awesome Ms. Salha.


Not to forget Jason, the guy who got buried in the sand.

The Reef Guardians and staff also had a performance for us. They sang the Lankayan Song.
They went for a second time, but this time they invited us to join in.
The song was a fun and pleasant one xD Nice~


The wonderful Reef Guardians and other staff singing the Lankayan Song.

Later, we presented a gift to Mr. Ken Chung to thank him for all he has done. Mr. Ken gave some wonderfully touching words.
After that, Jason stayed with us and had a few games of chess with Jedd. Meanwhile, the others watched and chatted, I asked for some paper and drew pictures of us in Lankayan and gave them to Jason xD

Cathz: Where am I in the picture? I have dimples, you know.
Cyn: Fine...if you want me to add dimples then make a glass of Milo for me.
Cathz: Ok. Can't believe I have to do this just for a set of dimples...

Cyn: Oh no! I left Tung from the picture *lol*
Ms. Lat: How could you??
Tung: Probably because I didn't do anything for her...
Cyn: *looks at him* (I was actually interpreting what he was saying, but he probably thought I was glaring at him xD)
Tung: *smiles sheepishly*

DAY 3 (07/06/08)
Nothing much happening on that day, because we had to leave at 7 in the morning (that's the only boat that leaves form Lankayan)
Everybody rushed to have breakfast.

Later, at the jetty, we had a group photo, said our goodbyes, shook hands to Ms. Salha and Mr. Jason.
We boarded the boat and wore our life jackets. I noticed the strap that goes below the ------- again...

Cyn: David, remember this? *holds up the strap*
David: *laughs*

We then went back to Sandakan. The ride was rough, compared to the one before (when we went to Lankayan). It actually made me dizzy =.=

When we reached Sandakan, then first thing I noticed is the colour of the water.
Instead of a clear blue, it is now a sickly green =.= with rubbish added.

Oh well...it's good to be home anyway...

I guess that's it... it was really tiring but worth it. :)

LOVE LANKAYAN!

Later~!

The night before the trip...

Current music: DJ Taka - Inori
Current manga: The Flower of Evil
Current game: Worms (again)
Current condition: Normal
Current mood: Slightly worried...

Lankayan Island...
Tomorrow, I'm going there...! Kyyaahh....

GOOD: I know that it is a very beautiful island and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity (for me) to visit such a beaut...

BAD: I am one of those people who get sunburned VERY easily...(just getting exposed for 10 - 15 minutes can make my skin red already =.=)

GOOD: I can swim! (Blerr at Tung) But then...I probably don't need to use my skills much =.= unless the float runs out of air or something <_<;;

BAD: Student performance? I don't know what's that, but does it mean I have to dance or something? *gulp*

Anyway, here's a piece of conversation while packing my bag with my mom:
Mom: Be sure to bring your sunblock and cap ah.
Cyn: Already lor...
*silent and tense atmosphere*
Cyn: ...(decides to break the silence) ...Why do you so serious?
Mom: Yameh?
Cyn: Yealor...I'm just going to an island bah. You're acting like I'm going to Army Camp xD



Let's change the topic...
Yesterday and today, Janice and Tung came to my house (Crystal came yesterday but not today) to finish our NIE stuff...quite a lot happened xD and we're quite glad to finish our work...

YESTERDAY:
Tung: Erase the center eh. (He's referring to a part of a picture while I'm editing it in Photoshop)
Cyn: What center?
Tung: Tu! (points to the screen) Blind!
Cyn: *laughs uncontrollably*
Tung: *laughs for a while* Okay lah...I take it back...
Cyn: You...you (forces back from laughing) You call that center meh?! At the side lar...! Mau lau ai. (Hakka for "no brain one")
Tung: Aiya! (laughs)

TODAY:
Tung: Don't use that effect eh...!
Cyn: Why? Nice bah!
Tung: Blind!
Cyn: ............. *pretends to be mad and just stares at the screen while continuing my work*
Tung: *laughs* Speechless already xD
Janice: *laughs*
Cyn: *glares at Tung with a fake angry face*
Tung: *looks back with a blank face*
Cyn: *sticks out tongue and angry face disappeared*
Tung: *bursts out laughing* Ish! *pretends to grab something to hit me with*

LANKAYAN: (I wonder how things will be, but I could probably imagine this):
Cyn: Yerr, Tung! A crab oh!
Tung: Go kill it and eat for dinner.
Cyn: Why me?! You do it!
Tung: Yerr, dun wan lor.
Cyn: Show your "manliness" mah. If you can't swim then at least be able to face a crab xD
Tung: xD *swt* *pretends to grab something to hit me with again*

Ok lah... guess that's it for now...
Lankayan, here I come! And please don't make me tanned!!!

Later~!

The return...

Current music: Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me
Current condition: Exhausted
Current mood: ............

I just got back from KK...pretty tiring, I can say...

But what's way more important here:
After reading Tung's latest post, I was wondering what happened.
But it was only till just now (when I got back) that I found out.

The first thing that came to my mind was
"Oh my goodness...how could I not have known?! What a fool I am!"

So now, I just want to say that you will definitely be alright. I, along with all friends and loved ones continue to pray for you. Whenever you start to stagger, just hold on to your belief and to the fact that God is blessing and watching over you.

The lyrics to the song I'm listening to:

Hear you me by Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in

And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in