Those familiar feelings...

"Wish me luck."
(Full picture HERE)

Yes, yes... another post just several days after the previous one...
It's probably surprising for some as I "obviously" don't update so quickly xD

Anyway, I'm typing this to share my experience of drawing the picture above...
No, not about how I came to get this idea, how I wanted to do it, etc, etc... =.=

Well, let me put it this way:
I decided to draw a super-detailed picture... just as a challenge.
And so I spent quite an amount of time planning, sketching, drawing, filling in the details and shading. There were breaks in between drawing sessions, but I estimated the time taken to finish this, excluding breaks to be about 3.5 hours.

And mind you, under normal circumstances I won't spend that much time on drawing a picture... coz I'm the type of person who prefers doing quick things and getting them done quickly.

But this picture... it's so different. It evoked so many familiar and new feelings and thoughts...

You see, I've always been wondering... what's going to happen once I start doing something long-term? What of the end result? What if... what if it doesn't turn out well? Even if it does... how can you be sure?

I've been facing that sort of scenario for I-don't-know-how-long... for years I suppose.

And that limitation makes me take the "safe way" pretty much all the time.
Of course, we all know that the safe ways are safer - but they are not necessarily better.
Also, it makes me opt for quick methods as well. Sometimes it's just normal... because I want to draw something simple, or because I have just a little time for instance...
However, if this preference for quick methods limits one's confidence to get something done in the long-term, that's something to face and conquer.
Again, quick methods are not necessarily better - as quicker and more time-saving as they are.

Alright, enough on that. I'll get to the good part.

So I decided to draw the huge picture... and my experience was... strange (in a good way)
3.5 hours... not of "I want to get this done quickly!!!", or "Why am I doing this...?"
but 3.5 hours of pleasant, exciting moments.

And then I thought...
What's this familiar feeling?
Yes, the experience was kinda new, but at the same time it was really familiar.

Maybe it was the feeling of freedom before doubt started to clog everything.

Anyway, I was enjoying the moment so much that I actually finished it around 3 hours and 15 minutes... but it was so fun that I didn't want to stop T.T
So I tried to add as many details as I could... and in the end... extended the time to 3 and a half hours.
But even then, I was like "Aww... it's over?"

Well... I uploaded it anyway. And I must say, the satisfaction that comes with completion is awesome and rewarding.

So what have I learned from this experience?

Don't be fearful and doubtful of the unknown. Instead, face it and along the way love and enjoy it.

So... if any of you have any fears and doubts of anything... you should go for it. Who knows, you might be surprised by what you experience ^.^
At first when I started on the drawing I was like "errr..." but look at the result~!
I love this picture, not just for how it looks... but what it taught me...

Of course, not all results are guaranteed to be good, but that should stop anyone from continuing... it's just that if something doesn't work, one should rectify the steps and reflect, rather than just "bulldozing" ahead stubbornly.

Yet another long post, huh? xD
Well, I just had to get that out ^.^
P.S.: Today when I was having dinner something just came to my mind all of a sudden...
A quote that says:
"Life doesn't suck - you just suck at living"
which made me LOL internally and prompted me to post in on Facebook... hehe

Alright, that's it for now.
Later~!

Journey to Acceptance

What's your perspective of life?

Okay~! As promised, here's my "Journey to Acceptance" post!
Note: This is gonna be a helluva long post (but at least I colour-coded them to avoid boredom? xD), so either sit tight, or don't read this if you don't want to... but you'll probably be missing out on a lot.

...................................................................

Still here? Alright then! If that's so, I'll just get started then.

Every single day, we read/hear comments, stories or thoughts of people about how crappy their life is. Heck, many of us do that.
Every single day, all I read online are people's sufferings and anger.

And what baffles me more, is how people talk about "Changing into a new image" and in the end, they end up just like before... or in some cases worse.

Well, I'll get back to that later.
Last month, I checked for my JPA results, and I saw... RUSSIA!
I'll admit, at first I was like "WHAT?! Seriously??"

And for several days I was torn between accepting JPA and changing courses.
And to make matters worse, the comments from people about studying in Russia weren't encouraging in the least either.

Seriously, I do think that we are mostly stuck in the UK-or-Australia-is-good mentality. I don't deny that they're good (coz they ARE), but to dismiss another country that one is not too familiar with is just... jumping to conclusions.

Indeed, I've read comments of actual students in Russia talk about how much they are suffering, how bleak their futures are, etc...
And that had seriously made me concerned.
In fact, I got so worried that I actually fell ill! (Not seriously ill, but ill enough to be considered... ill)

And then, I thought about a quote that says "Every cloud has a silver lining"
And I tried to cheer myself up, because there really is no point moping about something... it's just an utter waste of time and energy (and in my case, my health as well =.=)
So I launched "Operation Restoration of Optimism (ROO)" for one full week (it's one of those things I imagine and make up myself... I even typed the whole thing in my Facebook xD)

Within that period of time, I've read and heard the news about thousands of people appealing for JPA, comments from people who didn't get it about how they would boycott JPA, have no future, the end of the world, forced to enter form 6, etc.

And to be completely frank, I DISLIKE (and that's being polite... the more accurate term would be quite rude) people who only know how to complain and complain and complain. Sure, I know they have their reasons to complain about something they find unpleasant. I'll admit that many years ago I used to complain about things too.

I'm not kidding. Just read my old blog posts and you'll see a big difference xD (This also shows that keeping a blog or diary can help one with changing behaviour xD)
I started to reduce my complaining around SPM time (or after SPM) because I realized that constant complaining, mocking, and moping about my problems isn't going to solve anything - they simply invite more problems.

And it's around that time as well that I found out how annoying it is to hear complaints. We all know that it isn't a pleasant thing at all to hear people complaining to you about their misfortunes, whether you are involved or not. It's natural that people prefer to hear good news from someone they chat with, rather than an awesome spam-age of bad news!

I must say, Operation ROO restored a good deal of my optimism =)
Of course, I still had my doubts. And those doubts somehow increased yet again after I was "sabotaged" by everyone telling me "Why Russia??" "Think properly! It's your choice, not mine, but THINK PROPERLY" "Why the hell would you wanna go there?" "Haahhh... I see....." Even the doctors in the hospital said that Russian graduates were very incompetent.

And then whatever was mentioned in my previous blog post happened =) Remember? The visit in my dreams from Taka... telling me that I'm not alone...
I woke up and felt like a completely different person... in a great way =)

By that time, I had become thankful and feeling blessed to actually be given a scholarship. I have absolute faith that I can overcome whatever shortcomings that may occur there.
Of course, it's not just about talking... I'm gonna have to walk the talk to prove it.

Recently, it was announced that there would no longer be JPA overseas scholarships starting next year. I was slightly stunned, yet at the same time not too surprised, considering how many appeals and protests they are getting from unsatisfied applicants. I'm not going to comment on the decision to phase out the scholarships, but I'll just say that it made me feel even more grateful for getting what I got.

But to those who think their hopes have been crushed, I implore you not to think that way. As I have stated before, negative thoughts only bring about negative events. You could tell me "Oh, it's EASY for YOU to say" and I can tell you this: "Yes, it IS easy for me to say."
And I can say it because I've been that way before. It's just that somewhere down the road, I couldn't bear living with negativity, fear, doubt, or anger for my whole life.

Currently, I am making my preparations to go out to Shah Alam in July... and next year, I shall be far up north =)
I may not know fully what lies ahead, but I can say confidently that I have fully accepted the fact (and directly or not, it also means that I have fully accepted myself)

So for people who think they don't stand a chance at being happy: think again, please.
One could say he/she wants to change for the better, one could do what it takes to change for the better... but the results won't show unless the change starts from the mindset.

Just keep in mind that every single being in this world has the right to have happiness. It just depends on how you obtain it. No matter what limitations one may have at the moment, there's nothing that cannot be overcome.

Also, I have another goal... other than pursuing my studies. I have a goal to inspire people... one way or another.
I didn't have this goal before. It just came to be this year... while I started changing myself. To see someone being happy and healthy is really rewarding =) It makes you ever so happy (and I'm not talking about ying-chau happy =.=... I mean GENUINELY happy!)
So if anybody has any problems, just come to me so I can practise my "inspiring" skills xD We might learn something new and exciting as well xD

....................................................................

Ahh... that was a long post.
Well, I intended it to be longer, but this should do.
If any of you paid attention to what I typed... or if any of you took what I said seriously, then please take some time to reflect on it and think properly.

It's quite late---I mean, early now O_o
I'm gonna have to stop the post here xD
Well, again, think properly!

Later~!

A Dream, and a Visit from Someone Special

Gosh... no words could express what I've been through the past week.

For some reason, I became very pessimistic again... =.=
Being deeply concerned about the conditions I'm going to face in the near future...

I've heard such a great deal of horrifying stories about life in (you know where), that I felt disgusted, literally.

The whole day, I felt horrible. I felt almost like giving up (and those who know me, know very well that I don't normally give up).

I asked my inner self for guidance, for help...
In fact, I became so worried that I was too tired, so I went to sleep =.=

And guess what? Someone payed me a visit... in my dreams (literally =.=)

And that person is... Taka!

Okay, in case you don't know who Taka is... it's weird to have to say this directly... but...
He's one of my characters~! Gahh... this is weird xD


That's him... (or at least how I drew him to be xD)
Taka, green eyes, funny attitude, created probably near 10 years ago or more... I don't remember =.=

Anyway, I have other "characters" you know... I'm just introducing one of them xD

Alright, anyway...

He appeared in front of me... and he told me this clearly...

"You're not alone."


... and that's all there was.
Holy crap?! How strange could it get? A fictional person, created by yours truly, actually appearing and telling me that I'm not alone?!

And that's not the only baffling thing.
When I woke up, surprisingly...
I felt so so so much better =D
Almost better than I always have been...

As puzzled as I am, I am so happy to have had that dream xD
I'm thankful for all the blessings I have in my life (and one of them is Taka xD)

Oh, yeah... I have yet to blog about my "Journey to Acceptance"
Well, this dream with Taka in it is pretty much part of it ^.^

But I'm gonna blog about it from the start in an upcoming post, I will!

Later~!
Count your blessings, you're not alone =)

Casio!

Today, I went with my parents to the watch shop.
Originally, our intention was to buy a new watch for my brother...

Well, we did... =D We bought a BEAUTIFUL CASIO watch for him =)
Yeah, it IS expensive... but it's really eye-catching =D

That's his new watch =)
According to the research I've done online, it has a mineral glass screen and a stainless steel band...
It's water-resistant (to a certain degree, of course)
with something called Neobrite (the watch continues to be illuminated in the dark if it is exposed to light for a while... something like fluorescence, I suppose? Either way, I've "experimented" with it myself and it really DOES glow in the dark! OMG! O_O)

... it's just awesome!

And after an unexpected turn of events, I got a watch too!
Well, originally I was supposed to get a new watch NEXT YEAR... but... hehe...
Anyway, my new watch is really elegant as well~~ hehe

That's right... this one is my new watch~~
Casio Sheen something something---
As far as I know, the display screen is made from sapphire glass, and also a stainless steel band.

Its features are mostly the same as my bro's watch...
This one has a solar-cell panel (according to the internet, though)

But what really BAFFLES me... is the price O_o
Believe me, it ain't cheap.
(Well, in terms of branded watches, it's not considered expensive... but in terms of my family's usual expenditure, it's DARN pricey O_o)

To give you an idea, my new watch is 1/3 (or 33%) more expensive than my bro's new watch O_o HUH...

But anyway, I am really thankful to my parents ^.^ I'm definitely gonna take good care of it...
I'm also gonna keep using my old watch... I love it as well =)
My old watch was less than 1/2 the price of my new one O_o gaahh...

Heheh... this is my old watch.
(Sure the real thing doesn't look as shiny as it does here... it's a bit worn out and uhh... old-looking xD)
But it has served me faithfully for three years... (still young for a watch, eh?)

It has resisted three years of wear-and-tear, and it will continue to be worn by me, definitely!

Besides, digital displays are always convenient... ehehehe...



Wow, a whole post about watches... that's something I've never done before xD
Oh well, nothing else to type here.

Time passes so fast O_o it's already mid-June...
Another fortnight and I won't be in Sandakan anymore... Gosh...!

YUM CHA, ANYONE? XD

Later~!

It's June!

Ahh~
Just got back home from Kota Kinabalu...
Enduring a harsh 6-hour car ride across the state is really rewarding once you get to sit down comfortably, knowing that you've persisted xD

Anyway, the trip to KK was alright... I got to see my family, I got to drink Starbucks (LOL), I got to buy some clothes and a pair of slippers...

Well, I've told the rest of my family in KK (no, wait... my parents told them, I just sat there silently xD) that I'm going to further my studies in Russia next year.

Oops! I forgot to mention in my blog before, didn't I?
Alright, I'll say it now. I got JPA scholarship to Russia...
That means, I'm going off to Shah Alam in July... and I'll be off to Russia next year~ (not sure what month yet, but I bet it's somewhere mid-year)

Okay, back to the topic.
I have to admit, I got many strange reactions... some were good, and some were just... weird.
Not only from my family, I mean...
From EVERYBODY. (Excluding my parents and my brother... they are really supportive and awesome... I'm so glad to have them T.T)

"Russia? Why would you go to Russia?!" (Why not?)
"Why did you choose Russia? Choose UK or Australia mah" (As if I had a choice)
"Yerr... not good oh... nanti kena #%*&^(#&%(Q@(" (What the heck?)

Give me a break, people =.=
Honestly, I've never (read: NEVER) thought in my life... that I would ever be studying there.
And another confession is that, I was at first less-than-impressed by the news.

Then I started to accept it, looking on the bright side.
And by now, I've almost fully accepted it.
Heck, every cloud has a silver lining. =)

I'll elaborate on my "Journey to Acceptance" in yet another post (because it's quite a long story)...
But the bottom line is:
I'm happy, despite the shortcomings that may come ahead.
And I'm gonna take it as a good challenge, a journey, an adventure...
...a SECRET MISSION! (Okay, not so secret anymore, but you get what I mean =D)

So wait for my long post~! When I get the time (and mood) to type it, I will ^.^

Now that I'm back in Sandakan, it's time to "enjoy" the hot, hot weather and lack-of-shopping malls and Starbucks while I still can =)
Sandakan will always and forever be my beloved hometown...

Later~!